Something About An Old Lady (Uber Haiku)

Elephant, A Lady, & Me

Seventy nine years
Old, if I’m being honest
My broken age-gauge

Elderly woman
Plodding through hazy winter
One step closer to end

Elephant watches
Tissues on standby, he knows,
Remembers what’s next

Yes, it’s happening
Sadness, right here, before our eyes
Elderly lady says, “Fuck you.”

Clearly, she’s angry
Really not happy with us
Even though we’re not wrong

The lady hates us now
Everyone who judged her
Not like she’s dead yet

“I’m seventy nine,
Got plenty of ‘em still left
My birthday beats yours”

As if that meant shit
Because we’re not even half
Eager bastards, us.

Summer to winter
The lady keeps squelching on
Like challenging death

Elephant and I
Feel a bit bad, but really
These are facts of life

Under iron curtain
Nearly invincible, us
Saturn’s long return

Or maybe just dumb
Learned little with our time here
Vain, indignant, kids

Evie Kaye (her name)
“Don’t count your eggs, little chicks
Never gonna hatch”

“Oh, how wrong you are!
This elephant is wise, fool!
He has seen it all!”

I snigger, we laugh
Now granny is much closer
Granny to someone

Takes out her false teeth
Opens purse, reveals gun, aims
She shoots Elephant

Everywhere blood flows
Even stains my clothes, bye friend,
Her eyes lap it up

Empties clip, draws knife
Regret all my words, erased
Epitaph wasted

She looked just like this.

– Scott Sandwich


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