Tampon Cookie (It’s French For ‘Stamp’. Promise!)

Everybody knows that nobody likes cookies, right? Because cookies are gross. Cookies are stupid. Cookies are boring.

Especially when they’re still warm from the oven, maybe with choc chips just a little bit melted, the smell wafting lightly around the room… it all just brings tears to your eyes. Tears of disgust.

But we have to. Society demands that we continue to make and devour these horrific tools of evil, as penance for merely believing and being who we are.

As a sign of a united force, facing a common foe, simply stamp your cookies with the “Home Made” label. It will be a sign of freedom, choice, equality. The Rebel Alliance has based its design on better, golden days. A retro star pattern, reminiscent of the glorious days of pastel wallpaper and atomic testing.

Every time you force yourself to eat a cookie, the Home Made imprint will remind you that you are not alone in your plight. United, we shall nibble. We will fight, and burn our aprons as we march. We demand a world where delicious despicable cookies of hate no longer taunt us. Meet at the docks, midnight.

Tomorrow the revolution begins.

– Scott Sandwich


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