I Want Lies With That

I can’t believe it.

I went to McDonald’s yesterday and ordered a vanilla thickshake (A vanilla thickshake you hear me, “Gerald”?)

Except there was obviously still some chocolate mix hanging out of the thickshake machine

And I could taste it immediately.

Right there, while still sitting in drive through, I promised the world that I would never visit McDonald’s again.

I swore on the graves of everybody I held dear that McDonald’s would take no more of my money

Pigs would fly, then the sky would fall, and hell would sooner freeze over

I’d trade my left nut, have sex with a deceased Rosie O’Donnell, and rape a god-damned nun

It was a vow, and I would stand by it, until the day I die.

And wouldn’t you know it, they did it to me again today!

– Scott Sandwich

PS:

My boycott would then define me.

Brave Tom, they would call me

As they delivered crate after crate of dodo-scented Moët et Chandon directly up my nostrils

And a slave would wipe my butt with the previously mentioned nun’s bad habit.

Gross?

Or pure.

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems & Poetry

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s